I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
