She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
