dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize