have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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