Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
please come you make the beer taste better
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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