it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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