Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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