well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
