You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
