I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
