All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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