just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
