my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
