My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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