Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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