the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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