i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
