she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
