I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
