Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
