you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
