I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
