I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
