Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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