You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
