The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
