I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
