Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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