the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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