forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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