happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
