why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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