YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i will never coherently bang her
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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