Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
