I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
