the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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