Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
