based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How does one acquire holy water?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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