so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize