You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
