Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
