5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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