im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
