so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
