Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
