omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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