I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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