Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
