Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
