yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
