She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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