just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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