there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
