I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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