So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize