she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
