if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
