He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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