I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
