It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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