Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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