i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just want nice things and good sex
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
